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Issues->Mascots: Hey, It's Just a Game!

Posted on Thursday, November 08 @ 00:48:01 PST

hey it's just a game
so i am rooting
for the home team
my team
i pledge
allegiance to
the flag of the united
states of sports
statistics and suburbia...

Stumble It!

hey it's just a game
so i am rooting
for the home team
my team
i pledge
allegiance to
the flag of the united
states of sports
statistics and suburbia
i'm rooting for my team
my home team
the new york jews
or the ny kikes as
they are fondly known
but yesterday some
native hebrews
came running out
to protest the game
they claimed we
were stealing their
heritage and mocking
their name
just because
our mascot
runs around the
field in native hebrew garb
you know he has those
cute spit curls on the side
of his head
and he wears one of
those yarmulke things
a beany on his head
and one of their prayer shawls
it's supposed to be
authentic so i don't
really know what their problem
is after all it's just a game
and we make sure
that when we are rooting
for the team that we
use all the proper
gestures in the stands
many of us have even practiced
like we copied our shoulder
shrugs from
vaudeville acts they
show on the big screen
and when the whole
crowd shouts OY
it is enough to raise
the hairs on the back
of your head
and when we chant
shalom when the
team is up to bat
well we just seem
undefeatable somehow
and well we
even know how
to do that little dance
jews are known to do
at weddings and such
we are very authentic
you know
and hava nagilla
is a great tune
we sing it and dance it
in the stadium
thousands of us doing
it together
especially when our rabbi mascot
goes into his prayer dance
out in the bleachers
he looks so real
he looks so jewish
you would never know he is not
i think they use makeup
to get that effect
or maybe he wears one
of those life masks
molded off a real rabbi
to get that effect
all i know is that he
really knows how
to get the crowd going
with his prayers and stuff
i heard next year
they may get another
guy out there with him
who can sing
they call him
a cantor or something
i think because of
eddie cantor
a dead jewish singer guy
i mean i don't know what
these hebrews are
complaining about
i think we are honoring them
and paying tribute
to them when our little jews
are running the base paths
and we cheer them on
screaming la chaim
another quaint jewish
authentic saying
at the top of our lungs
personally i think it is
really picky of them
to object
i mean the mascot
and the team logo
look so authentic
we took careful
pains to not be
offensive and be
politically correct
you know
we did not make
the nose on the mascot
rabbi's face too big
did not want to be
objectionable
otherwise no one
would come out to
the game

© 1997 lgjaffe
Jaffe has been featured in poetry venues and festivals both throughout the U.S. and abroad. His web site, Poets4Peace has won numerous awards. Jaffe is the International Readings Coordinator for the United Nations Dialog Amongst Civilizations poetry project.